I have had enough. I am retreating from the world and will only emerge from the safety of the Elliott Glen Forrest Estate for meetings with my Long-Suffering Supervisor and my shifts at the library.

Every time I have left the house in the past three months, with the exception of October 20 for the Clare Bowditch and the Royal Jelly Dixieland Band concert (fabulous!) and Saturday for a Girls’ Day in Celebration of my Hon niece’s birthday, disaster and disagreeableness has befallen me.

I have been terrorised on the roads of Perth by my Fellow Drivers, who think that cutting someone off and almost running them off the road is a sensible, friendly way to drive. I was almost killed on Saturday when some Hopped-Up-On-Drugs truck driver decided that he couldn’t wait for me to pass by him and moved his road train into the left lane causing me to go skidding off the road narrowly missing posts and trees to come to a halting stop while he sailed merrily on by. And he honked me!

And on Sunday night as I was driving home from work, I was pulled over by the police. Nothing wrong there. It is good they are doing their job and monitoring Perth motorists. The horrifying and unnerving part of the encounter was that the police stepped out from behind the police car and in front of me. I could have run him over if I had not already been slowing down as I passed. I could hardly see him.

The reason for this however, and the reason that I was, rightly, pulled over was that my lights were only half on. I did not realise this as the route I had taken so far was well lit. I did not realise as the dash lights come on even if you only have the lights on at the low setting.

The police woman came around to the driver’s side of my car and tried to yank my door open. (I always drive with my doors locked.) Frustrated that she was unable to yank open the door and, from her manner, I presume, yank me out of the car, she barked at me, “How pissed are you? Get out of the car!”

I replied that I was not drunk and was on my way home from work. I also pointed out that I did not see her colleague who jumped out in front of my car.

“I’m not surprised! You don’t have your lights on! We saw you coming and thought ‘how drunk is she?’, pull her over.”

I again stated that I was not drunk and apologised for not realising my lights were not on. I explained that the dash lights were on, so I thought my lights were and as my route was well-lit, it still had not twigged.

She barked, again, “Whatever! You must be drunk” and then shoved a breath-alyser in my face.

One long breath later, the nasty police woman was forced to soften her tone as it was quite clear that I was not drunk.

But obviously a chastisement was required and my encounter was not yet over. I was barked at again. “Give me your licence! Is this your car? Where do you work?”

I handed over my licence, responded to her questions and she went away to check out my licence. She returned a few moments later, barked at me to make sure I turn my lights on and not drive like a maniac. She then told me to wait where I was and she would tell me when the road was clear to move out and carry on, “or you’ll probably pull out in front of someone and cause an accident”.

I understand they have a job to do and not having my lights on was not good and that I was lucky not to have caused an accident, thank goodness for Perth’s well-lit CBD, but I think her attitude was appalling. And to try and manhandle me out of the car and bark at me, “how pissed are you?”, was uncalled for and most unprofessional.

Naturally, the whole episode just proved that me leaving the house was not a good thing. The Fates have me targeted for unpleasantness and there does not seem to be anything I can do about that.

So I am retreating from the world. I might not be able to escape the unpleasantness plotted for me, but I can control my environment by restricting it to the house as much as possible!

I am going to have to work on my self-discipline and see home as a place of work. There is no way I am risking my sanity or life any further by venturing out of the house to come into uni on a daily basis. I am not going to bloody well die or be committed in Perth, thank you very much!

For now, I wish you adieu. I am going to put myself out of the path of destruction The Fates seem to have laid out for me. I will see you on the email, the Twitter, the Facebook and, if you are so inclined, the Matching with Friends, (a game I really like because of the pretty colours and musical sound FX). My player name is lke73, so find me and let’s play! Well, we will play at lunch and bed times, because for the rest of the time I will be working on a paper on Nicolas Houel, French apothecary and philanthropist, and the much neglected Magnificent Octopus, aka The Thesis.


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