Meet my iPad 2

This is my new iPad 2 frivolously purchased (online from the Apple Store) on 25 March 2011 with the familial donations made to the cause on my birthday and the meagre contents of my so-called savings account.

My lovely new Apple iPad 2 with pretty blue iPad 2 Smart Cover

It arrived via courier on the morning of 18 April 2011 and as I was in yet another Melancholic Slump, I was on-hand to receive it in person. (And to the amusement of the courier, I was still donned in my Sussan’s dressing gown and Peter Alexander owl PJs at 11:36am, but what else would someone suffering a Melancholic Slump be wearing, I ask you?)

I excitedly removed my iPad 2 from its box, put all the pieces together, gloried at the shininess of it, how pretty my blue iPad 2 Smart Cover looked and the craftiness of its functions as smart cover and iPad 2 stand.

The Ingenious iPad 2 Smart Cover at Work!

I contemplated where I could adhere my bonus gift-with-purchase Apple sticker. Not wanting to ruin the sleekness of my iPad, I decided to place my bonus gift-with-purchase Apple sticker next to my ‘I [heart] STEPHEN FRY’ sticker on the back windscreen of my Little White Holden Nova. I kept turning over my iPad 2 to giggle at my practical, yet amusing, engraving on the back.

My iPad 2: Amusingly engraved

A little aside on the subject of Apple packaging: I love how sturdy the boxes are. Not only are you assured of your Apple product arriving undamaged, but for those of you who, like me, wish to keep your Apple product in tip top condition until the day it dies, (I am not one for upgrading technology for the sake of having the latest), your Apple product can be safely stored away in its sturdy box when not in use.

Apple's Sturdily Packaged iPad 2

Anyway… On with my little tale.

I prepared my iBook in readiness for synching my new toy and loading it up with goodies from my iTunes ‘Amusements Collection’. Oh, and important thesis-related documents for chapter composition purposes, of course!  

Nothing happened.

I found my Aged Aunt’s MacBook Pro and tried to synch it to that.

Nothing happened.

My excitement turned quickly to disappointment.

I realised that I needed the Internet connected in order to get my iPad 2 synched. (I am sure I read the set up instructions properly, but it appeared not.) Unfortunately, my Aged Aunt’s Internet dongle is so enormous, it blocks the second dongle hole on her MacBook Pro rendering it unusable when said Internet dongle is in place, so I abandoned my efforts to synch my iPad 2 and retreated to the couch to watch QI.

A couple of weeks later, I was forced into visiting the friendly chaps at Next Byte in Nedlands to purchase a new cord for my iBook as the original one died after a two-day The IT Crowd and Jane Austen Films Marathon that took place from the comfort of my bed. (Yes, I was in throes of yet another Melancholic Slump.) While processing my payment, I mentioned the troubles I had with synching my iPad 2 to the Apple laptops I had access to. I found myself on the receiving end of a pity-filled ‘You Are A Moron’ stare.

“First of all”, he said, “you are correct in assuming that you iBook is too old and will not be compatible with your iPad 2.”

(So am not that much of a moron because I actually figured that out for myself!)

“Second of all, were you not aware that once your iPad has been synched to a computer that is the only computer to which it can by synched? You should have been made aware of this fact when you purchased your iPad.”

No, I did not know about this little quirk of the iPads and as I had purchased my iPad 2 online through the Apple Store because I did not fancy standing in line for ages with the computer geeks at the various Apple Stores and stockists around Perth, there was no person to explain this little “quirk” of the iPads to me.

So now I have an iPad 2 that was returned unused to the safety of its sturdy Apple packaging to await the day its owner has saved the $2,140 AUS necessary to upgrade her laptop technology from an iBook to a 13-inch MacBook Pro with extra RAM and 500GB hard drive.

What can one learn from this tale? Do not frivolously spend money that one can ill afford on toys that one does not really need of or have the technical know-how to understand.


NB: The blogger has categorised this post under ‘Joy Bringer’, although the subject of the post, namely the blogger’s new iPad 2, has yet to bring her joy. It has been so categorised with the hope that the blogger’s new iPad 2 will some day soon bring her lots of joy, in addition to serving as a pleasant means of procrastinating in place of working on her thesis.


Oh no! Disaster!

As I like to keep my money for more chocolatey expenses, I pluck my own eyebrows. As I was undertaking this painful procedure the other day I was horrified to discover not one, but THREE GREY HAIRS!!

I think they were grey hairs. Mum confirmed that light-coloured sticky-uppy hairs are generally grey ones.

The visible aging process has begun. Grey eyebrows: It’s all down hill from here.


Seven Deadly Sins: Envy

Over the past few months I have been struggling in vain against two of the seven deadly sins. (Meet Miss Sloth and Despair. “Hello”, she says with a half-hearted languid wave as she makes a futile attempt to arise politely from her couch of sloth or bed of despair.) It is extremely difficult to get the better of them once they have hold over you. I think Sloth and Despair are possibly the hardest of the sins to defeat. Correct me if you think otherwise.

This morning however, I think I unwittingly discovered a potential cure. How long-lasting the cure proves to be, I do not yet know.

After 48 hours in slothful despair, I checked my emails this morning and found not one, but two emails that awoke in me the most evil of the seven deadly sins…

The Seven Deadly Sins: ENVY. Beautifully depicted by blackeri –
The first email from Poet Laureate James went something exactly like:
“Stephen Fry has been in Burlington House courtyard, giving an interview to teevee – what you’re missing! Adee xx”.
With kisses to soften the blow?
Two emails earlier, I found one from Giselle:
“Dear Lisa. STEPHEN FRY IS FILMING IN THE COURTYARD – Don’t you wish you were here – see how much better it would be. G x”
Another ineffectual mark of affection offered in an attempt to soften the blow!
After reading these emails, the feelings of slothful despair have been forgotten and overtaken by a raging ENVY. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING can make up for missing this encounter with the most fabulous person in the universe! (Well, the fifth most fabulous person in the universe after my most fabulous niece and nephews that is!)
(Maybe my delay in taking my savings to the Winthrop Australia UWA to purchase my new MacBook Pro has something to do with my reluctance to spend what amounts to an airfare back to London?)
Miss Jayne and Adey’s caution to me during my last months in London has never rung more true for me than today. “You’re going from bad to Perth”, they kept warning me in 2008 after I told them of my decision to return to Perth in order to finish my thesis. Too bloody right, I am thinking today! The rage is boiling my blood, my brain, my fibres of being! I am…

What is it about me…

…that in the last two months I have been accused of stealing and, on another occasion, trying to defraud someone by doctoring documents?

Do I look like a white-collar criminal?

Do I look dishonest?

I am perplexed.

Possibly a case of pots, kettles and blackness?

white collar crime cartoons, white collar crime cartoon, white collar crime picture, white collar crime pictures, white collar crime image, white collar crime images, white collar crime illustration, white collar crime illustrations

Always look on the bright side of life, or could my day have gotten any worse…

A confusing title for this post, yes. However, it reflects yesterday very well.

I looked on the bright side of the vandalism of my poor Little White Holden Nova. First of all, there was the amusing exchange with the lovely police lady when I made my report. She made me look at the funny side of things – that is, the theft of my anti-bacterial hand gel – and I felt much brighter after our chat. (And Jenny-Anne, I think you might be right about her being a hot cop, à la Angie Dickinson. She certainly sounded Angie hot!)

And as I was hoovering the remains of my broken window from within my car later that afternoon, I thought, “Well, at least this has made me finally hoover my poor little car”, which was in desperate need of a little hoovering TLC.

I have been house- and cat-sitting for my friend in the criminal hub that is East Victoria Park, so given the compromised state of my vehicle, I thought it prudent for my car and I to retreat to the secure and comforting family estate in Glen Forrest for the night, which meant FOXTEL!! After hoovering the car, I had a lovely warm shower, donned my comfy-est Peter Alexander PJs and plonked myself in front of the telly to catch up on Survivors, the second series of which is currently screening on UKTV, while scoffing SFFs. (SFFs being Cadbury chocolate Strawberry Freddo Frogs, my drug of choice for those of you who haven’t been paying attention.)

I thought I would cheer myself up further by calling my niece and nephews. I called the boys first, but as they were busy with their soccer careers I made do with a short conversation with my Accountant Sister, whose plans for the evening were so sad it made me feel so happy. My Accountant Sister was preparing for the arrival of two Accountant Colleagues, who were coming over to watch the Australian treasurer Whatshisname deliver his Budget 2011. Okay, they were going to be in celebratory mode, that is, quaffing champers, as the Treasurer delivered his budget and listening intently when he got to the part of the budget in which they had given their accountantly assistance and advice, but still.

I called my niece next and assisted her with cracking a code she was working on, the results of which had something to do with farts. Very amusing, as anything to do with farts is. (Although this statement is easily expressed when one is, like me, anosmic, that is, without the olfactory ability “to perceive odours”, therefore limiting the impact of farts upon my person.) However, my cheeriness was soon compromised by my loving niece during the following exchange.

Niece: Something very important is happening on Friday, Auntie Lisa.

Me: Really? What? Is it Kylie’s birthday?

Niece: No, that’s been and gone! Her birthday is on February 26th.

Me: Really? I had better write that in my diary for next year then. So what’s happening on Friday?

Niece: What date is your birthday again, Auntie Lisa?

Me: March 1st. Why?

Niece: [delivered with mischievousness tone] You have the same birthday as Justin Bieber!


Niece: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

And with that, my day descended into hopelessness and despair once more.

Further to ‘Oh what a beautiful morning, NOT’

I just filed an incident report with the police.

I was asked if anything was stolen from my car.

I mentioned my anti-bacterial hand gel.

We laughed.

The police lady decided that it had to go in the report.

We cackled as we imagined the judge reading out the offence in court: “You are guilty of breaking and entering, and the theft thereof one small bottle of anti-bacterial hand gel. In addition to 200 hours community service, which I recommend has something to do with cleaning public toilets, I would recommend you see a mental health professional as getting yourself a criminal record for stealing anti-bacterial hand gel suggests a level of idiocy that demands immediate attention. Case dismissed!”

Oh, if only!

Oh what a beautiful morning, NOT!

Stumbled out of bed at 5:52am to get ready for work.

Found two dead mice outside my bedroom door courtesy of Caspar, the not-so-friendly cat I am looking after. Decided to deal with them after my shower. [shudder]

Go out to my Little White Holden Nova and discover that some little fockers have broken the passenger side window in order to ransack my glove box, console and ash tray for goodies.

“Ha!”, to them with knobs on, (and a right hook follow through for good measure), for my glove box is known as the cutlery drawer. It contains nothing but napkins, straws and cutlery for my breakfast, lunch or dinners, one of which is generally consumed each day as I drive from one dull activity to the next. (Or, on a more positive note, for the occasional impromptu picnic.) My ashtray contains the turning knob thingy for my window, which broke off when I closed the driver’s side door on my right knee. And the console contains hair ties, sunscreen and anti-bacterial hand gel. (The last of which they stole!)

So could one’s day get any better?

Well it couldn’t get any bloody worse!